Oranges & Darts

こんにちは

2010-06-12T03:51:00.001+10:00

Dear Bogans* (primarily those who reside in the South-Eastern suburbs of Victoria),

To put it bluntly, I’m fucking sick of your racist bullshit.

It’s unfortunate, however, to know that you’ll never read this hate rant because you’re most likely one (or more) of the following:

1. Illiterate
2. Drunk
3. High on illicit substances
4. Given that you can read, struggling to comprehend the English in which I speak

Do you honestly believe that due to your greatness in numbers that you’re of an elite group of beings? Do you really think that because your forefathers are convicts, you’re family is in a more respectable and powerful position than mine of first generation immigrants?

Yes, I might be flattered by your greeting- if I were actually Japanese. If your pathetic attempt at being worldly wasn’t filled with spite. And if you didn’t scream it out to me about ten times. It’s quite sad to acknowledge that our encounter was probably the extent of your multiculturalism. Alongside the notion of China being equivalent to Asia, of course (that all Asians are Chinese. Which is perplexing, considering you spoke Japanese to me).

Although I may be able to communicate comfortably in the aforementioned language, I’m obviously fluent in English.

Need I point out that my enunciation, grammar and vocabulary, though imperfect, all surpass yours? Given your shallowness, I think it might also be necessary to mention that I completed high school, attend university, and will have purpose in life.

Your inference of “[us] Asians” stealing your jobs and children’s chances of attaining a proper education is utter crap. It’s not because corrupt employers want to pay less wage or because of sycophantic behaviour around educators.

It’s because you’re a bunch of lazy fucks.

I will admit to having the predisposition of judging people due to their race and cultural background (this rage session being an example). The difference between you and me, however, is that I’m not so devoid of common sense so as to openly voice it to them.

Unlike you, your predecessors, and your faux-surfer peers, I respect those in the community. I earn my own money. I always offer my seat to the elderly and the sickly on public transport. I volunteer. I speak courteously to those around me, and I don’t behave like an obnoxious imbecile in public.

Unlike you, my existence will one day contribute to a greater cause.

I don’t think it necessary to be inebriated during every waking moment of my life at the age of 20. Which just goes to show the quality of life you must be leading.

May you enjoy further deteriorating yourself at ‘The Bezza’ every weekend.

I don’t care if I’m being hypocritical by abusing your lack of education, low socio-economic status, and revolting upbringing.

You’re all ignorant motherfuckers who are beyond saving.

* Please excuse the heavy stereotyping, I’m trying to have a hate rant here.

Street Spirit (Fade Out)

2010-05-19T10:39:00.004+10:00

Don't you just hate it when you lend people things... And they never return it?

It's been two weeks and this particular person has failed to acknowledge that they still have my item, despite my incessant outbursts of, "remember to give me back my stuff!" Despite having sat in class together. Despite having celebrated birthdays together. Despite seeing them at least six times since the lending of said item.

When you offer to go to their place after dinner to pick up your possession, they reply with, "no no, I'll give it back to you next time I see you", clenching onto their partner, clearly not wanting to miss out on an opportunity to get laid.

It would take literally five minutes or less to retrieve something from their room, put it in my hands, and let me out of the house. How inconsiderate and selfish can you be?

When someone borrows something, it should be their responsibility to give the item back to you.

You're the one doing a favour for them.

You shouldn't have to constantly chase them up for it.

What ever happened to being thankful?

What ever happened to appreciation?

This is getting fucking ridiculous.

Hunting for Witches

2010-04-19T01:05:00.004+10:00

Melbourne taxi drivers are notorious for their lack of ethics. More often than not, they are subject to racial discrimination and violence.

I'd always thought it unfair. I mean, hey, they're immigrants trying to make a living. They work long, sleepless shifts and have to deal with anything from drunk passengers throwing up on the dashboard to horny couples frisking each other in the backseat. They've got families to feed. Children to educate.

My sympathy no longer exists.

A few nights ago, having had a few to drink, I had no choice but to catch a cab home with a couple of friends and was last on the itinerary. I'm unsure as to how the event actually occurred, but my iPhone managed to slip out and plant itself somewhere in the taxi. As I remain adamant about putting it in my bag, I'm clearly oblivious to it being missing. I get home, flip through my bag to check the time, only to see that my phone's no where to be seen.

Panic.

What can I do? Call it. Having been a friendly passenger who tipped, I thought, "the ringer's on full volume, maybe he'll hear it ringing, be nice, drive back, and bring me my phone".

I called it x times (x being any number of times that ranged over 15-20 minutes). Each time being redirected to voicemail.

On the x+1th call, I was greeted by the bland Optus lady voice telling me that the handset's been switched off.

Fuck.

A swift call to Optus and five minutes later, my SIM card's locked, phone's barred through its IMEI and I'm devoid of an iPhone.

It's amazing how one immoral act from one Indian fucktard of a taxi driver can cause me to loathe an entire generation of a race and turn me into one of the people I once frowned upon.

Hands Away

2010-04-08T20:23:00.001+10:00

For every guy who's perplexed by girls who say that they're "looking for a nice guy" but then run off with assholes, there's a girl wondering what the fuck is so wrong with her that she can't even get a date for a goddamn movie.

I am one of those girls.

La Vie, L'amour

2010-04-07T17:41:00.004+10:00

Having had a good lurk around the Internet, I stumbled across some blogs written by noteworthy, mature (though possibly sometimes behaving otherwise), humorous people.

Blogs that aren't filled with mind-numbing content along the lines of:
"this is what I did today, it was fun"
"I hate ____, he/she is such a bitch, if you're reading this, you know who you are"
"today, I went shopping and this is what I bought [insert enough images to cap my usage plan]"
"[insert plethora of camerawhore photos]"

Nevermind the fact that they were mainly recipe blogs. I'm just glad to see that somewhere within the crevices of the World Wide Web, there are people who aren't the narcisstic, shallow, vapid 'youth' I'm often forced to be associated with.

I honestly believe I was born into the wrong Generation.

A neglected weblog that I'd decided to give up on

2010-03-23T00:01:00.003+11:00

Reading back on previous entries, I fear that I've lost my 'touch' and now struggle to express myself as eloquently as I once could. Maybe it's all the rap music and engineering banter I've decided to taint my eardrums with.

So how's this for my first entry in 2010?

Zero

2009-06-02T02:30:00.002+10:00

I've actually got nothing interesting or meaningful to write.

Just that I've realised that when I'm feeling down, I do a lot of online shopping. It's so easy and effortless. And heck, the thrill of making bids at the last second and smashing the competition. It's exhilerating. Okay, it's not. But it's more exciting than Fourier Series and heat equations.

Siamese Cities

2009-05-31T04:34:00.003+10:00

Wow, it's been ages since I hopped on. I guess I floated on to tumblr and now I'm on Twitter and make brief appearances on Facebook every once in a while. Damn Internet.

I tried to think up a theme for this blog (as most blogs seem to have a theme). I thought from my daily-life to shit that shits me. How boring. So I figured I'll just have to continue to rant on about nothing. Or everything. It's not like anybody reads this, anyway.

So let's talk about eBay, shall we? As some of you may know, my parents were scammed not so long ago and bought a few counterfeit products for a large sum of money. Of course, they didn't know that these products were actually fake and were devastated when we all realised. I was naturally furious and attempted Voo Doo death curses on the faggot Latino bastard who took my parents' money.

So, in an attempt to get rid of them, I listed them on eBay. Not one hour after my listing, I receive a series of vile emails from one mokuba99. Bla bla bla, 6 years in gaol. Yes, it's spelled gaol. If you've Googled your username and are currently reading this, 'jail' is just one of those words that degrade the English language and make you sound like a Bogan. Also, you're a fuckface.

Right, so we start with some little threats drenched in a healthy dose of sarcasm. Boo hoo, I'm so scared. What does he/she proceed to do? Place bids on my items. Oh hello, trying hard to land me in prison, are you? Now, I haven't exactly listed the items as, "BRAND NEW APPLE iPHONE" or "BRAND NEW APPLE iPOD TOUCH". No, I've simply listed them along the lines of "iPhone/SciPhone" (SciPhone is a legitimate stand-alone brand name from China) and "iTouch MP3/MP4 Player". I don't think they got the idea, though.

Now, when I last checked (a few seconds ago), Apple didn't exactly own licensing for two of those terms. Heck, they don't even use the term "iTouch". So, please tell me, which law am I breaking? Or is there some sort of unwritten legislation that states that Apple owns any word beginning with the letter 'i' in lower case, followed by a noun beginning with a capitalised letter. So, if I were to change my name to iCynthia, I'd automatically be licensed by Apple and therefore fail at life and proceed to think of ways to kill myself.

Please, take a look for yourself:

>Yeah, I've mentioned that it's an imitation.

Oh, well that must make it OK then. Like saying, "but officer, I mentioned that it was cocaine I was selling" or something.

*

Please, how old are you?
You don't seem to 'get it". It does not matter how you "revise" the description.
Cocaine is still cocaine, and it still illegal to sell or supply.
A counterfeit is still a counterfeit, and is still illegal to sell/supply or even "display for sale or supply".

So if I sold little packets of caster sugar on the streets, I'd be breaking the law, right? If I sold loose leaf tobacco and the buyer thought it was marijuana, but I told them that it was tobacco, that's also be breaking the law, right? This person's a fucking idiot, seriously. Selling one thing and pretending it's another is one situation. Selling something that looks like another is an entirely different situation.

>if you'd bothered reading the item description - I've stated rather clearly that it's an imitation and have in no way promoted the item as a genuine product.

So what?
It is still illegal AND it still breaches the eBay Listing Rules.

*

>First of all, I don't see how age is directly related to my thought process.

You are correct? My apologies, but you might be surprised at how many underage children are selling on eBay. How old are you?

>How can it be illegal to sell the device as a generic media player?

It is, because it isn't. Look at the picture.

>Like I said, I'm not promoting it as a the real thing, or as a counterfeit.

Look at the picture.

>I simply want to get rid of it.

So, throw it away.

Because you'd have the heart to throw away an item your parents spent hundreds of dollars on in an attempt to surprise their kids with. I bet your parents disowned you and now you live in a granny flat filled with constantly masturbating, pimple-infested eBay junkies just like you.

>the phone IS a stand-alone brand that aims to 'look like' an Apple iPhone. Is that also illegal?

Yes.

I'm sorry, but there are quite a few brands that are sold outright in Australian outlet stores that look a lot like Apple iPods to me. Would you like to write to them all and tell them that they're breaking whatever non-existent law you seem to be adhering to?

>If so, then why hasn't the company been targetted by Apple...?

How do you know that Apple are not trying to find them in the back streets of Shenzen? Have you spoken to Apple? Have you seen the places these crap phones are assembled out of junk parts?

I'm sure a company that rips off as many customers as Apple not only has the money, but also the manpower, to have found them already. Clearly this person is an uneducated idiot who's pulling shit out of his/her pooper to seem intelligent. And obviously, no law is being broken.

*

>I can let you know that I am, in fact, of a legal age and that I am under no obligation to disclose it to you.

I never said you were under any obligation. I said you might be surprised how many sellers were underage.

And that's why you asked me for my age twice.

>So basically, what you're saying is, if I were to change the photos to ones with obscure angles that show no logos, I won't be breaking the law and will be, in fact, selling them as generic products? But no, there are probably more problems, right?

Right.

>What's more, there's no need for you to go all patronising on me. Yes, I've done wrong, but what's with the harrassment?

What harassment? If you feel that I have harassed you, please report me to eBay.

Having to put up with your stupid banter and crap that doesn't seem to be complying with any known laws is harrassment.

>I asked a legitimate question, it's not like I'm trying to take a stab at you.

And I replied.

Your reply was bullshit.

*

>Mind telling me what the problem is if I still sell the mp3/mp4?

It is a counterfeit with counterfeit Apple trademarks etc.

I have, however, removed the items as I believe I'll have more luck at Monash Marketplace and would rather not continue to have to communicate with such excuses of human beings. Seriously, after skimming through a link he/she sent me, I'm beginning to think that they're one of the many people who spend their free time scouting counterfeit iPhones/iPods and reporting them to eBay. I'm glad to read time after time that eBay doesn't do shit about it. Go eBay, you bloody legend of a corporation.

*

So even if the trademarks were to be removed, it would still be illegal?

Thank you for such an enlightening night.

*

>I hope you enjoy acting as an informant to the other ever-increasing-number of eBayers out there, who are unfortunately not as ignorant as I am, selling counterfeit products.

Would you explain this? It seems to go off track half way trough.

Am I really that convoluted? Loser can't read English.

Have you removed those listings, or do I have to ask eBay to do it for you?

You know what you can do? You can kiss my ass.

This is why I hate the Internet. I'm exposed to too many retards.

Sabbath bloody Sabbath

2008-11-09T18:12:00.000+11:00

Yay for free stuff!

Look At Me (When I Rock Wichoo)

2008-10-23T02:50:00.002+11:00

hehe, look at where I'm (also) at now:

Click me!

The Small Print

2008-09-16T00:39:00.000+10:00

Remember kiddies, be considerate.

I Shot the Blender

2008-08-20T15:06:00.002+10:00

If I say that I am lying, am I telling the truth? If I am, I am lying and so uttering a falsehood; but if I am not telling the truth, I am lying, and so I am telling the truth.
So my utterance is both true and false.

Idle

2008-07-18T15:18:00.002+10:00

CAPPED

Stealing is something that is beyond annoying.

From having small things such as pens and (especially) erasers being stolen - or, in the case of a certain private institution in which I attended for four agonising (though there were good times with the people I liked) years, "forgot" to return. Despite the 'borrower' (or 'thief') saying, "hey Cynthia can I please borrow a pen, I promise I'll give it back... Thank you so much I promise you'll get it back at the end". Honestly, I dislike these beings so much, I lend them a semi-functional artefact kept in my pocket specifically for such a situation. I then neglect to ask for it back due to my sheer unwillingness to speak to them out of my own free will. Anyway. From pens and erasers going on permanent hiatus (if that even makes sense) to having things that are on the magnitudes of 4G USB drives and portable DVD writers stripped from one's possession... It's really just an unnecessary act of selfishness. (Note: I'm really possessive and crack the shits when people borrow - that is, sincerely borrow - my things without informing me or asking for my permission)

In this case, the stolen product is: internet bandwidth. Well, it's suspected. Lesson learnt: secure the connection.

So, children, please don't take other people's things. If you find something lying around, don't take it, leave it there so the person who misplaced it may have a chance to find it again. Or be nice, take it to lost property. To further that note, don't take something from lost property unless you're certain that it's been there for at least a month, unclaimed property is free property, and yes, finders keepers, but only if you're certain that it's not being searched for by its rightful owner.

I Came as a Rat

2008-07-02T02:48:00.001+10:00

Good afternoon, my name is Cynthia from Roy Morgan Research. We're conducting a short customer service survey on behalf of the Commonwealth Bank as part of their ongoing customer satisfaction research. Could I please speak to...

Yes, I'm a phone bitch.

I don't always get the nicest responses. I don't always get the cheeriest of respondents. Sometimes I get screamed at. Sometimes I get verbally abused. Often, I get asked, "what do I get out of it?"

I'm just a voice.

To the respondent:
I have no name (although I state it).
I have no family.
I have no friends.
I have no personal interests.
I have no hobbies.
I have no feelings.
I have no life.

To many of them, I am a pebble in their shoe.
A nuisance.
Do they resent me, or do they resent what I do?

I am but a mere voice on the other side of the telephone.

Ah well, at least the pay's good.

IN OTHER NEWS, this is quite a boring entry. Shall come up with something more enlightening... Soon. I hope.

Voulez-Vous

2008-05-21T02:14:00.001+10:00

I remember someone saying that I will become a crazy cat-lady one day.

The prospect seems likely.

I was thinking of things I'd like do when I grow up (well, at least when I'm liberated and forced to fend for myself in the perils of life). One such thing is to attain many pets and treat them as though they were my children. However, there's always such a big fuss when it comes to naming them. This is where the crazy cat-lady persona kicks in.

I've always wanted to give my pets-to-be incredibly human names. Reginald, for example.
Anthony.
Georgina.
Nick.
Samantha.

For some reason, these names only seem to suit dogs.

I shall get a cat (some day) and name him Hamlet.
And an iguana named Godzilla.

Also, if I ever, for some outlandish reason, give birth to a son (Jebus, Allah, Vishnu forbid), I fully intend on naming him Lucifer and enrolling him in a Catholic school.

(REAL) Parenting just isn't for me.

Blame it on the Tetons

2008-04-23T02:32:00.001+10:00

First party:
Hey, I'll be @ uni 11ish.
Second party:
So u coming around 11ish?

There are some people who are unbearable.

Most victims bottle it up or complain to others. Allowing the pervasive wisps of hate to swiftly trickle through them. Gradually building up to a constant flow. Reaching an exponential rate. Until, finally, they become...

Some are blunt and hateful. Quick to criticise and verbally harass. Shooting short, sharp comments filled with spite and fury. Yet the other party still carries on. I guess they're just slow. Or there's not enough malice in my- uh, I mean, the first party's tone.

I've noted those who take evasive action and seek refuge in lies. Albeit subtle ones, such as, "I'm not at uni, I'm on my way home", or, "yeah, they're all right..."

Which leads to the continual observation of "fake nice".

If you hate the person so much, why not let them know?
Is it the inevitable encounter that follows?
The fact that you'll see them every week and possibly have to work with them?
Is it because some of your friends are their friends?
Or have you just been to school in an estranged environment for four too many years and don't know how to be honest with your feelings anymore?

Solemn, I know.

I see dead people in boats.

2008-04-15T01:40:00.004+10:00

Here's an e-mail (void of bullshit such as, "if you don't forward this on, you'll lose your penis - ladies, you'll grow a lost penis... on your face.") I'd like to share with those who bother reading this concoction of crap:

Instructions are simple; there are three tasks, answer them as you go along.

"Personality Test"

1. Put the following five animals in order of preference:
- Cow
- Horse
- Pig
- Sheep
- Tiger

2. Write one word that describes each of the following:
- Cat
- Coffee
- Dog
- Rat
- Sea

3. Think of someone (who knows you and whom you consider important) that you can relate to the following colours (do not repeat your answers):
- Green
- Orange
- Red
- White
- Yellow

I'm so bored.

Procrastination led to Hamlet's downfall, now it'll lead to mine.
Year 12 English taught me nothing - nothing! I say!

Parting of the Sensory

2008-04-07T03:19:00.000+10:00

People do/say some pretty inane things at three in the morning.

Daylight savings really messes with me. It really does.

So I'm sitting here listening to Vivaldi's first movement of winter of the Four Seasons blaring into my ears with my bass-enhancing earphones (that I rarely use due to my lack of a personal music device) whilst losing my ongoing war with eigenvectors and Gauss elimination, and this sudden idea pops into my head...

What if I were a fish?

Now, it's not as easy as you think. I decided to methodically go through all the different types of fish I could think of:

1. Clown fish
2. Puffer fish (FUGUUUU!!!)
3. That fish with the pretty light attached to the end of its antenna that lures other fish

Ignoring the fact that three (3) is an embarrassingly small amount of fish to think of and that these particular breeds are obviously due to the influence of a Disney film, I decided to hop onto Wikipedia to, let's just say... broaden my horizons and begin a quest in expanding my knowledge in... fish.

If Cynthia was a clown fish:

I wouldn't be able to invite my friends over to my house, for one thing. Reasoning behind this is quite well-known, but for those of you who don't really know, well... My house would sting you to death with its poisonous talons. So I'd like to see you try to rob my house, bitch.

I'd also be very confused as to whether I were a girl clown fish, or a boy clown fish. Say I started off as a boy and I was happily married. Upon my wife's death, I would turn into a girl. I'm not sure if it's unwarranted of if I'm just innately a sick, twisted fish. Maybe it's because I'd mourn so much that my body would change gender on its own accord? And being a fish with a very short memory span, well, heck, I don't know what on earth is going on!

If Cynthia was a puffer fish:

I suppose you'd have to be very careful around me. Don't get me scared, or I'll kill you. Don't get me excited, or I'll kill you. Don't piss me off, or I'll kill you.

With a gutful of water or air, I suppose I'd look like I gained 30 kilos in a mere second. How daunting. I suppose I'll have to work on my diet...

I couldn't find the third one through Google. So alternatively...

If Cynthia were asleep and not sitting in front of her laptop like a seedy, nocturnal lurker:

Well, I wouldn't be typing this up. That would probably redeem me of whatever humiliation I'm about to put myself in after I click on the "PUBLISH POST" button. Oh, my eyes are getting heavy. I suppose it's time for me to rest now.

Engineers Do It Better

2008-03-27T04:19:00.002+11:00

Because I am an absolute .net junkie and have no life...

TOP 10 REASONS TO DATE AN ENGINEER:

10 We know heat transfer
09 We do it with precision
08 Projectile motion: need we say more?
07 We know how to handle stress and strain in a relationship
06 No couple enjoys a better moment
05 We have significant figures
04 We can strip more than wires
03 "Friction and lubrication" really is a class
02 We are trained to do it right the first time
01 We are used to all-nighters

That is why, my friends, in five years' time, you should all date me! ;)

Just kidding.

In other, more personal, news - I've fallen for my first (and hopefully last) Frenchy.

BACK

2008-03-24T02:23:00.003+11:00

... With a vengeance.
A vendetta.
Having experienced vicariously the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

Yeah. Wooo, I has a web log - again.

As this is the first post, I suppose it should contain as little content as possible and force its reader to lose as many brain cells as the internet is capable of stealing via its mental-capacity-hungry wires and bit rates and whatnot. uTorrent has taught me nothing (not that it really... can).

I return with my...
Incredibly early mornings (that many misconstrue to be late nights - well, is it really that shocking to find that I actually sleep at... okay, lies, I'm feeding you lies).
No-Doz dosed mentality (though I'm off the stuff - for now).
Strange findings.
Frustratingly funny experiences.
And, of course, an insatiable need to pee.

Now, for an excuse:

I need to somehow maintain (and somehow strengthen) the feeble grasp that I possess on the mechanics of English. As much as I read, and as much as I talk - these don't exercise my ability to write. Chinese doesn't count (oh, I'm such a failure arts student) and neither do laboratory reports! Unless I want to spend the rest of my life sounding like an aim, equipment list, method, results, summary, outcome, and conclusion... Wishy washy jelly on a plate wibble wobble.